is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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