i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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