and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
