Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
