I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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