If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just google imaged poop.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
