I love black thongs
im having a threesome with these popsicles
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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