Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize