u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
