I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
