so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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