the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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