He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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