This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
