all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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