I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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