Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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