I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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