smell my finger.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize