Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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