It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
