he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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