wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Pants are for mortals
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
