the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
