Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
