He asked to "fluff my boner.."
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Life is so much better after having sex.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
