Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
