Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
