Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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