U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize