shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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