just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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