How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
