yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
