I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
