I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
