I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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