She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
