Buhtt sex?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
