somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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