I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize