I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
operation have a gay friend backfired
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
