I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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