I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
