Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
