bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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