My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just cropdusted the office
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
