god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
