my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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