Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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