I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
