speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
