Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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