Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
