oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
