All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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