I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
