Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
