I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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