just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
