Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
