I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
