and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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