The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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