Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
