the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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