It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
