So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize