i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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