Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize